So there’s me, a Yorkshire girl who couldn’t be sensible if there was money on the line, and my two Manc mates who for some reason I only ever see in airport departure lounges.

One I met on a drunken Cologne night out where we bonded over tequila, poor decisions and absolutely zero awareness of where we were. The other just appeared in the friendship later like an unlocked level on a video game. Now we’re a trio whether anyone likes it or not.

So we see £26 return flights to Dublin and obviously book them before our brains have time to get involved. Planning? Who is she? Never met her.

Now, you’d think three Northerners on a Dublin day trip would march straight to Temple Bar, order Guinness for breakfast and behave like they own the place.

Incorrect.

Instead, we woke up and chose “outdoor activities.” Honestly, embarrassing.

The Road Trip of Doom

We grabbed our £40 rental car and Cologne girl offered to drive which was brave considering the first time I met her she couldn’t even operate her own legs. She took the wheel with full main-character confidence and actually did a great job… apart from the tiny detail where we almost had a head-on collision with a tractor.

A tractor. A massive one. Coming straight at us like it was auditioning for Fast and Furious: County Edition. We screamed, swore, then pretended to be fine because that’s how adults cope.

I was navigating from the back seat which, let’s be honest, is basically decorative. I was shouting useless things like “Left! No wait… I mean right! Actually… I don’t know.” Meanwhile our other mate was running the playlist like she was DJing a festival.

And then came the miracle: The weather was GLORIOUS. Actual sunshine. In Ireland. We spent most of the drive staring at the sky like, “Is this allowed?”

Sally Gap & the Guinness Lake

Sally Gap was absolutely stunning. The views were dramatic enough to make even us look like we had our lives together. We were surrounded by pure peaceful beauty and responded by loudly saying things like, “Wow that’s nice,” because that’s the limit of our emotional range.

Lough Tay was sparkling like it had hired a professional lighting crew. It looked like a screensaver, honestly. We tried to have a deep moment but instead just said, “Looks like Guinness,” and moved on.

Waterfall near-Misses & Accents

At Glenmacnass Waterfall, Cologne girl almost launched herself straight into the water while trying to get closer, recovered instantly, and acted like nothing happened. Very Olympic of her.

Then we hit the P.S. I Love You bridge. Of course we reenacted the film scene. Of course the accents were absolutely horrific. Of course people stared. Worth every second.

Glendalough: The Nature Trap

Instagram called Glendalough a gentle scenic walk. Instagram LIED.

This was a full workout disguised as nature. Steps, hills, paths designed by Satan himself. Every time we stopped “for the view” it was actually because we were dying. The sunshine did help us pretend we were thriving though.

The Bray Breakdown

By the time we reached Bray we were exhausted, dehydrated and running solely on crisps and bad decisions. So naturally, we went on the fairground rides. Because why not add nausea to the list.

Within seconds I was gripping the bar like I was writing my will. I nearly threw up. Honestly thought, “This is my exit moment.” Came off looking traumatised and reborn at the same time.

Finishing Strong

We ended at Johnnie Fox’s. The holy land. A pint, sunshine, music, food and all of us silently processing the day’s madness. Healing vibes all round.

Then, like every one of our adventures, we ended up back in the airport, hugging, laughing, promising we’d be sensible on the next trip.

We absolutely will not be. Ever.

Three idiots, one sunny day in Dublin, a rogue tractor and a ride that nearly took us out.

Perfect behaviour. ❤️